The Visitors/Les Visiteurs

I'm starting to think that French comedies are not my thing; this movie did not tickle my funny bone and neither did Trois Hommes Et Un Couffin, but I'll talk about that in another post. Les Visiteurs is one of the best examples of classic French comedy.

The film starts out in the Middle Ages or 'Le Moyen Age,' as I learned it was called. I read it with a New Jersey accent in my head. Basically, this nobleman  likes this chick but accidentally shoots her father. Once he killed her father, she didn't really want to marry him anymore. He is all upset about this and employs a sorcerer to send him in the past to stop himself from killing the father. The wizard is a bit senile and accidentally sends the nobleman and his peasant to the future. They experience some major culture shock. They think the cars are horseless demon chariots.

I can attest to that

Soon they meet a homeless lady who helps move along the plot by knowing the descendants of the nobleman. She also is the love interest of the peasant.

yup, she's a keeper

They find the descendant and at first she thinks the nobleman is a crazy hobo. Then she thinks he could be her estranged cousin. She makes up this wild story that he lost all memory of the current time period through a race car accident. She keeps taking care of the nobleman and the peasant despite all their shenanigans. She is really the stupidest character in the movie and that's saying something with the characters who don't even know how to use a toilet. Anyway, the two main characters go on a search for the spell book to send them back to the past. They find it in the end, sort of...watch and find out. Actually, I wouldn't even bother if I were you.

Final rating: ****** (6 out of 10 stars)

This is it's rating on IMDB but Speed Racer also got that rating. I think this was better than Speed Racer. At least Les Visiteurs is not visual vomit.

The Green Hornet

I wasn't expecting much when I went to see this on Monday. I expected a typical super hero movie. It was not exactly a normal superhero movie. It was what I should have expected in the first place: A Seth Rogan style action film. There were the stupid vulgarities and the characters had no redeeming qualities. The problem is that I actually enjoyed it a bit. It wasn't a great film that I'd watch over and over again but I certainly had fun. The main issue I had with the movie is that the average age of the audience was 10 years old. I do not want to see what our future generations turn out to be if they grow up watching this. They should watch 4kids shows like civilized people.

So the story is a very basic one. This douche is the son of Charles Foster Kane or something. His dad dies of a bee sting because he is a sissy. The douche inherent all his fathers money. He then, though a hissy fit about coffee, meets his father's mechanic. By chance, the mechanic happens to be a super fast ninja who can create military grade vehicles. Both of them feel like their lives were ruined by the father, even though he was the main source of both their incomes. They decide to desecrate the statue of the recently diseased man. Coincidentally, they see a mugging and beat up the petty criminals. Once they tasted blood they decide to go on a crime spree under the guise of being vigilantes. They make a mess and destroy tons of their own property and even getting shot in the process.

Bro, we're totes gonna kill sum peepz 2nite. lolz

I feel like this is how all superheros start out. They're just dicking around in their basement and drunkenly decide to run around in spandex beating the crap out of petty criminals. The one plus side of The Green Hornet is that they actually have cool outfits, opposed brightly colored spandex.

except the masks make them look like the hamburgerler

Secret Garden/시크릿 가든

Secret Garden ended a while ago, but I am finally reviewing it. I just bought the DVD. There are few dramas that I adore enough to get buy: You're Beautiful, My Girlfriend is a Gumiho, and now Secret Garden. (Iljimae, Hong Gil Dong, and Kimi Wa Petto are still on the waiting list)

I still can't believe Secret Garden is over. I was surprisingly unaffected by it's ending. I think the nice execution of the final episode made the loss easier to bear. I started watching the show to do something while waiting for the new episode of Mary Stayed Out All Night. It ended up being a far greater show.

 The actors were the only thing keeping that show alive

I was pretty much sold when I heard there was a body swap. I love the gimmicky and cliche shows and movies that use cross dressing and body swapping. Secret Garden made this plot device so much better. Body swapping did not rule over the plot it merely pushed the story along and integrated into a neat and touching story.

 A little gimmicky, but well acted scene.

This is also one of the first dramas that I like all the main characters that I am supposed to like. Even though, the lead is the usual rich snob character, he still has the psychological issues and the funny moments that make him lovable.

 Hallucinating about the girl you love isn't normal, right?

The lead girl is one of my favorites of all the dramas I've ever seen. She is up there with Mi Ho from My Girlfriend is a Gumiho. She is tough yet vulnerable. She is totally my ideal type.

 If I was attracted to anyone, she would be it

The second lead male, a Hallyu star, is actually entertaining when not paired with the girl he loves. I am still a bit bitter that he did not end up with the gay singer he admired. I would warn about the spoil but it was pretty obvious from the beginning who he would end up with. I can at least cherish the cute OxTS moments.

 Had to include my favorite scene

The second lead girl who ends up with Oska is supposed to be a victim, but I hate her. I skipped over all the scenes she was in so I may have missed her redeeming quality scene.

 B**** stole Tae Ssun's man

I only mentioned the two main couples, but there are so many more great characters. Because all of them were so fun to watch, I can't comment on them all without sounding to boring and crack pottish.

I also believe that I pay too much attention to the characters in my reviews. The script for this show is really praise-worthy. I really wish I was fluent in Korean to understand the lines as they were meant to be heard because I hear that the dialogues are much stronger in their original form. Even through subtitles, the quality of the writer showed through.

Intense scenes all the time

I also can't forget to mention the photography. There were many lovely shots. They seemed so natural but aesthetically pleasing. The special affects were well used in developing the plot rather than amazing the audience. The end result was almost seamless.

So beautiful

My Review: Five bengal cats. I really love bengal cats and I really love this drama. It is different and fun. I will truely miss it.

Conventional Review: ********* (9/10 stars)
I would give it full marks but Hyun Bin's monotone English haunts me too much to add that last star.

The Road Warrior

The Road Warrior is a sequal to Mad Max, a movie I have never seen and probably never will see. What Road Warrior lacks in plot, it makes up for in epicness. When I say epic, I am not talking like a 12 year old but actually refering to the style of intense action. It is a fantastic film to watch while baking, cleaning, or writing. The backstory is that of a distopian world; there is no government and fights over gasoline constantly break out. There is not definative plot, just fighting and short dialogues. The stars of this film were the vehicles and fire.

More screen time than Mel Gibson

My favorite part of the movie was the character designs. The 'bad guys' wear all black and have punk type hair.

 The reason I sat through all this

The 'good guys' wear white and look very earthy.

 Cindy Lou Who even got a roll

Mad max is neither but he wears a cool leather jacket.

I can't believe there was a time when Mel Gibson seemed normal

The voice over at the end was annoying but informative. The twist ending would have been more effective if my brain hadn't been turned off throughout this movie.

Q10

Against my better judgment, I started to watch Q10. I didn't think I'd watch a Jdrama so soon after Tumbling raped my hopes and dreams, but there I was. I hoped that perhaps it would turn out like Kimi Wa Petto, or dare I even wish, My Boss My Hero. I just have to remember that nothing can be worse than Mendol Ikemen.
The narration starts out promising. It gave me a bit of hope for the series. The director of photography suddenly squashed that hope by using weird shots and even a fish eyed lens.

 I always wonder how a fish robot would see the world

The principle needs a good talking to in logic. If you find a dead girl in the trash, you don't take her to school and display her in the window for all to see.

 Nothing wrong with this picture

We soon find out that the main character is even more stupid and crazy than his principle. He has a weird fetish for touching girls' molars; he believes music will come out. 

 The dangers of children's toys

By some on coincidence the dead girl is actually a robot who's on switch is her molar. This must be fate! The robot girl ends up attatching herself to him. Instead of calling the police about a possible dangerous human-like robot. The principle decides to make the her a student at his school and put the perverted tooth kid in charge of her safety.

The wrest of the show is a blur of the hi-jinks the two get up to together. They also make friends! 

I ended up watching only a few episodes. All had really weird messages.
I learned that:

The dead Hooker in the dumpster may be worth something
Distracting rescue helicopters will lead to self actualization

It's okay to love inanimate objects

My final rating would be 1/2 a Mendol Ikemen. Remember the beginning where I said that nothing could be worse than mendol Ikemen? Well this somehow beat that show in weirdness.

Traditional Rating: *** (3 out of 10 stars)

Muscle Girl

Muscle Girl is a new Jdrama that will come out this May. The two main leads were announces: Yui Ichikawa and Lee Hong Ki.

He's so adorable; Don't you just want to lock him up in a cage, in your basement and never let him free? No? Oh.....

Bikini model? In a show about female wrestling? Good choice!

The story is basically about a girl who inherits a female wrestling organization. The organization is not doing so well so she does the first thing that anyone would do; she asks a complete stranger for help. She was in dire need of a referee. She asks a random pretty boy on the street to referee the matches. Little does she know that he is a celebrity. There are many things wrong with this. First off, how can she not know he is a celebrity? Doesn't he have a bodyguard or stalker fans? Second, shouldn't someone who started out acting before becoming an idol do roles other than playing someone who is exactly like himself? But anyway, I digress. Like any guy who was asked to referee a female wrestling match by a bikini model, he agrees. Through love and much hardship the two make the business turn around and make money.

I am actually pretty excited for this. The plot will probably not fit my taste but it's Lee Hong Ki. I really just want a Jeremy spin-off series where he meets a burly black man and learns the meaning of true love. Maybe I will discover a love for female wrestling. All we can do is wait and hope.

Tumbling/タンブリング

I wrote this summary of the series a while back after watching it. I enjoyed the drama but it was lacking in comparison to others I was watching at the time. I am a huge sucker for yakuza and yankee dramas. Tumbling held my interest for a while but it was no My Boss, My Hero. I like making fun of them just like the kids at their school. I should be ashamed of myself for mocking someone's passion. I should definitely not be one to talk since I am a video fanatic.

The show follows the trial and tribulations of a team who compete in the intense sport of high school boys' rhythmic gymnastics. They have an odd ball group of teammates, each one has a more tragic back story than the last.

The lead roll is a good heart-ed delinquent who needs to join a club to get enough credits.

Can't stop seeing him as the 4th son in Atashinchi no Danshi

He tries every club until he finally decides to join the rhythmic gymnastics club for less than savory reasons.

 Chicks dig the spandex

After numerous friendship speeches and flashbacks, his delinquent friends join the club. There is the stupid second in command who sports a pompadour haircut. There is also the ladies' man. He used to hate the main character, but they learned friendship through beating the crap out of each other. 

What would you do if you saw them in a dark alley?

The final delinquent to join the club is basically there to create sob stories.

"Nobody loves me, except the gay kid." 

There are actual dedicated members in the club who don't beat people's faces in. You mean there are actual members who like tumbling in this club? Yes, voice in my head, there are. The club's leader who I like to call freckle face, is the most annoying in my opinion. It's not only his freckle that bugs me. His character type is of the lead roll variety. He needs to remember that he is only a second class main character.

Gymnastics is cut throat. 

Another character is the gay one. He has no real personality and the only thing we know about him is that he is gay. This isn't so surprising, when he is prancing around in pink spandex, but more on that later. 

These outfits make them look manly compared to the later ones.

Then there is nerdy glasses kid. I had trouble paying attention to his backstory because his pants are way too high.

This is a crime

If you thought the characters could not get odder, you were wrong. The new kid before the delinquents showed up has yet to hit puberty. His voice is so high. He is also sickly. He ends up becoming team manager because rhythmic gymnastics is too strenuous. If being in the team makes you a loser, being the water boy must be a fate worse than death.
 

"I want to be a real boy!"

Let's not forget Sano Jr. The character's real name is Hino but every time he comes on screen I get weird deja vu to Hana Kimi. His character is grating at best and he only further frustrates me when he becomes "good" with little to no explanation for his huge personality shift.

"Everybody loves me and I know it."

This show is wrought with friendship speeches, washed out flashbacks, and tragic back stories, but the real tragedy is the pink glittery sequined spandex that they start to wear.

My eyes are bleeding

My final rating would be 1 three-legged cat. It is cute and makes you sad, but in the end the novelty wears off.

Conventional Rating: ***** (5/10 stars)